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Sunday, October 16th, 2005
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| Subject: | update |
| Time: | 1:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | FSU marching chiefs. |
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dang it's been awhile since i last wrote, um whats new, nick and i broke up like 2nd day of blast off, im still not over it completely, but i am trying to move on, i can't really explain it, um...we had crown jewel yesterday, we got an excellent which sucks but hey we'll do better at FBA. um I took the SAT's last weekend, and im not sure how i did, it was kinda harder then i expected, and yes i did study. so i donno, hopefully i raised my score from last time. there's this other guy im kinda interested in like, he's nice and funny and cute and i only know him from having classes with him like last year and stuff but cliffnotes version he gave me his number after ori said something to him for me (still not sure what) and i called him, trying to hangout last night but the movie my friends and i saw he just got back from seeing that day and when i was talking to him he had to stay and babysit his lil sis so...he said he'd give me a call today but i donno. i dont want a boyfriend just a date for homecoming which is next weekend by the way. uh...ok well i gtg i have hw to do and other things i need to get done so cya~cc
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ee gads batman watch out for that oral surgeon! gosh i have to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, that sucks! oh oh, and i just recently got my eye brows waxed with mel and the damn lady ripped so hard and used a really rough cloth and she ripped my skin so now i have red lines above my eye brows that are on fire, and looks really bad (cause i have redness not the actual eye brows) but nick leaves for his mission trip sunday and i dont really want the last time he sees me before he leaves for a week to be a memory of a fire eye browed chipmunk, im gonna look so bad the next couple of days and i saw him last like on...monday or tuesday, so...although i wanna see him and say goodbye before he leaves for a week, i dont want him to remember me looking like a chipmunk. :(, this sucks. holy crap dude, um ok i heard andrew was back intown cause his grandma got hurt, so i gave him a call hoping i'd get his message thing, which i did and just wanted to say, hey, how's it going hope ur grandma and everything is alright. cause although i havent even talked to him since christmas, i'd feell sympathetic if he's having a hard time. so not thinking he'd call back, he did, didnt realize that he left a blank message then called back like an hour later when i was hanging with mel and mike at quiznos, so to make a long story short after mel and i hung out in jammin jensen and went to an oxygen bar, um we met up with patti, ben and andrew at the park in downtown stuart, and for some reason, my attitude shifted from being like really happy perky and what not to being really deffensive, like for some reason i just fealt that the only kinda emotion i should express to him was that of a bitch, so like i was kinda bitchy to him, not like really noticeable, but like jokingly i just couldnt stop myself from making mean comments. i donno, it fealt so awkward around him. i fealt like i should be some place else, and although we got along, we kinda equally ignored each other and it just was weird. i think what happened with me, like what ran through my head was, ok after u2 broke up, i tried to stay friends, like i'd give him a call every couple of weeks just to say hey, whats up whats new, and maybe an email, and he never called back or wrote back and made no effort what so ever to just stay friends, and thats all i wanted, i didnt want him back i just wanted to be friends and was totally cool with that, and he was the one that broke up with me so i dont know why he wouldnt even try being my friend. but damn let me just say that im like sooo much happier with nick, like i can't even explain, my friends said that when i was going out with curtis, it was like i had a stick up my butt, but when we broke up i was my happy self again and my friends say im still fun, when im with nick, so that makes me glad to hear that. well i gtg, i have to get my oral surgeury tomorrow cya~cc
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ok so um last night i talked w/ nick for a long time and he really just made me totally flip and feel so much better, ok um i kinda go through like weird mood swings like i get paranoid about how i am with him or that he might get annoyed with me or just stupid things, and i donno where they come from or how to prevent them or anything but yea, um so, nick just really made me feel better about them and i geuss i just gotta remember what he said whenever i feel like that, cause i know he loves me and i feel the same way, thats why im like WTF where are these weird moods of paranoia coming from? so, yea. he's perfect everything he said was just the right answer, i dont know how i got him or why im lucky enough to have him but im sure as hell happy im with him, um...ok so today kinda sucked, i had work til 4 was dead tired like the whole day, then came home to a mess and my friends showed up and although i had fun w/ them doing crafts and stuff, i forgot to call my mom and tell her what was goin on so she was mad at me and that i didnt go help paint the condo, um...also i left before everyone and kristin forgot to put the umbrellas up on the couches so the dogs went on the couches and my mom already pissed with me that i didnt call her and help paint and tell her that people were coming over, now her couches were trampled on by the dogs so naturally, im gonna get yelled at, and plus there were dirty dishes in the dishwasher, god im really getting in bad with my mom, i hate this, when i try to talk she's mad with me and i geuss i deserve it, i dont think about cleaning the house that much or do it for that matter so she has every right to be pissed with me, i just donno, i feel so lazy when it comes to doing it, plus the SAT thing, i hate my score, i really gotta get it up and i know i wont do that by complaining, but practice tests are like 3 hours long and i really dont want to do that, god i wish i could just be like crazy smart like all my friends and naturally have high SAT scores, i can garuntee none are as worried about just getting accepted into college as i am, i mean im not stupid and am well rounded but thats kinda my downfall, with all the extra curricular activities, i dont really have time to master each one, like if i do break time away to master one the others suffer, i donno but yea. that whats up, um since nick was at DCI all day when i got on i started talking to kyle and he sent me a poem that nick wrote that they were going to use as lyrics for a song, its about questioning religion, it's amazing, i've always wanted to read/hear any of what nick writes but he wont show it to me and i hope he isn't mad that i got to read some but wow it was really good, im not just saying that cause i love him and all that jazz but it actually was good. very dramatic though like i donno what kinda music they're gonna put behind it. um ok i gtg it's late and im tired i'll cya~cc,
ps nick is fantastico! lol
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Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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| Subject: | sup |
| Time: | 1:15 pm. |
| Mood: |  curious. | | Music: | whiskey girl~toby keith. |
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well for tha past few days i've been just hanging out with my friends, enjoying summer, being really lazy, i had a small fight w/ my mom and almost got grounded, jake left for college cause he's doin summer session at UF so the night before he left i made him come to my house to say goodbye. so we mostly talked about his cruise w/ david that he just got back from and then remenisced on some old times, gosh i cant believe he's gone it's weird, it hasnt really hit me yet but it will when im hangin out with everone, or a party, or heck just band blast off. um i've done like 2 girls night outs and hung out with my friends a lot so tonight i can have some alone time with nick, im looking foward to that, i havent had that in awhile, almost a week soo, but yea, im really happy with him, no complaints, i think the issues w/ mel and andy are getting better, andy doesnt seem bitter to me anymore and i try inviting him whenevr there's a group thing um and mel seems better so i figured out that nick and i just cant look together when we're with her, like we cant hold hands much or anything and kissing is definately out, cause thats what we did last night with her and a bunch of other people were there and it worked like she didnt make one grimace all night at us so, i geuss that's what we'll do for awhile. um...i kinda get big surges of emotion for nick, like i've realized at night when im talking to him online a lot of what im saying is like i love u i wish u were here, stuff like that, and i mean them but i think later, gosh am i being really i donno clingy or foward? i really hope thats not what im presenting myself as, cause i dont wanna do anything that could be potential to be a big problem. yea...um...i have to practice today for like 2 hours cause i gotta rewrite my music and stuff for my lesson at 6 so im gonna go do that but yea, thats what's goin on cya~cc
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hey so tonight my friends and i went to jensen bowl cause it was a penny a pin that was awesome i had to pay 84 cents that rawks! um...oh and before that i was at the beach and pool with my friends which was also fun but im a lil lobstery...and i have hick ps right now so im gonna go but ending thought...i love nick he's so good to me (i had to take him home so last person i saw was him and therefore) so yea, he's great im very happy i wish everyone could feel as happy as i do when im with him. ok g'night cya~cc
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| Subject: | update |
| Time: | 10:14 am. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | hollaback girl~gwen stefani. |
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god my neck is killing me, i slept on it wrong or something but yea, um just got done with the officer workdays yesterday, had a kick ass goodbye senior party cept nick wasnt there, oh at the party we had pudding wrestling, well it wasnt really pudding cause the pudding didnt congele so it was like really cold chocolatey water, but it was fun none the less, um my sax quartet has a 1st real gig in public today, at some rotary club banquet so it should be cool, the only thing i dont like is that the universal outfit we wear is for men so im in men's clothinhg, it sucks, but w/e um...nick and i are better then great, we love each other, it's very nice, im so happy with him i cant even explain how i feel when im with him, just cloud 9 lol, um mel moved into an apartment over Duffy's in DTS that's awesome! so last night nick and i went to DTS to hang with mel, she fealt low, i really fealt bad i didnt know what i could do but yea. oh um i have to write a small ballot for my music teach he's trying to teach me chord structures and stuff so now i gott write music, and this whole piece before next thurs. so im just like huh? i have know idea what to do but im gonna go cause i gotta clean house and all that jazz, but im home alone completely, my dad, mom and sis are all outta town till sunday when my mom comes home so im like incharge of taking care of everything it kinda sucks but whatever. ok i'll cya~cc
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well damn its been awhile since i've written, um cliffsnotes version
we won straight superiors at sate, um im going out with nick, he's such a sweetie, he says the nicest things to me and just is an all around great guy, um Ap exams are next week, i havent studied and have full on senioritis, work is alright, the term paper of death is over, um i really cant think of much else, cept i tried out for drum major and didnt get it, which is alright cause its a lot of work, so...hopefully i'll have an officer position. well ttyl
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well cliffsnotes version cause its late and im tired, nick asked me out, and we've been going out for give or take a week, we've had band stuff like every night, and today we had the regatta in miami, well nick and patti came for support, and we spent the whole day there and the fun points were going in the pool at the regatta, eating together at this mexican place, and on the way home, cause i was in ori's car w/ patti we picked up tulsi and went to patti's barn and fed horses and cows charged us and we ran across this field freaking out, and these agressive horses scared us into ninnies, that was hilarious, and tonight we all went out and saw Sahara, and well nick was kinda being mean from the movie on, so he hit me and that was it so im like good night guys and i started walking to my car, i get in my car, start it up, and am just pulling out and he runs up and instead of rolling the window i open the door and he's like look im really sorry and i dont want u to leave until u accept my apology, and basically i park and he's like im not leaving until u forgive me and andy's parents were taking him home, and im like yea i forgive u and he's like why cant u look in my eyes and say that? so i did and he's like are u sure, and they had arrived and im just like ur gonna miss ur ride and he's like i dont care, im not leaving until i know u forgive me, so im like, urgh why do u hvae to smile, u know its imposibble to say no, and he leans in gives me a kiss, and im just wishing he'd get the hint that although these pecks are nice, i want him to actually kiss me, so im like come here and i grab his neck and basically it was just a long peck, he's was nervous i could tell, and i donno, i know he likes me, i like him a lot too, but it doesnt look like we're going out cause we dont hold hands or really show any kinda signs that we are, and im just wondering whats up is he shy, or going slow so this will last or nervous or what? and im hearing so many things from dif. people like he's not into public dispaly of emotion, and i dont want to make him uncomfortable so i go along with it, and i hears others say yea he really wants to make out with u blah blah blah, so he called me when i was having a heart to heart convo with ori in the movies parking lot and left a message saying, im sorry again, uknow it couldnt hurt, give me a call, not now cause im gonna go to sleep but tomorrow, goodnight, so i called him back and left a really long message and i got a lot off my chest on that message but i remember one thing i said is that 2 problems in our relationship is #1 we dont really talk and #2 other people are in our relationship and we need to cut them outta the pict. so, it was basically stuff like that, but i told him i really like him and i dont want this relationship to end and it was a long day for everyone, we all had to get up early and didnt get home till late, and we're all cranky, and stuff so, yea, im just tired myself right now, i have work, quartet, and hw to start so im gonna go get sleep, good night
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Thursday, March 10th, 2005
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hey well um a lot has happened since my last entry, a friend of mine came outta the closet, i won women's double at the regatta and got 3rd for mixed double w/ andy, um...school's actually getting better, im almost there, i have SAT's on sat. im really worried, i went to military ball had fun, made out w/ carl, then he blew me off at the ball so i like pitched a fit at him, it's spring break for FSU so my sis is home, i skipped 4th and went out to eat w/ my sis,mom and steve and i went shopping an now since our power is randomly out, im at the library going to take my damn FLVS exam. so i gtg ttyl cya~cc
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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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well bright and early this mornin the band loaded up on the buses and went to Linkin Park for solo and ensemble, and it was fine, it was cold as heck this mornin and we got there a lil late due to bus difficulties but the quartet i did received a superior and i got a superior on my solo so that was good, and my mom came and picked me up and after she did this thing at lowes we met up with my aunt and uncle and had lunch at olive garden. so yea, well i gtg, ttyl cya~cc
hope everyone else did well with your solo and ensemble stuff
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Friday, February 4th, 2005
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well this week all around sucked! i've been getting nothing but bad grades back, i had a huge fight with george talking about me quitting rowing, i got a flat tire and ended up paying for 4 new tires cause the others were crappy too, oh yea and i got so sick last night i think i might have finally gone to sleep aroun 4 cause i was purgin from when i got home from st. lucie tire and battery to 4 in the mornin, so i stayed home today and i mostly slept and ate very little, but i couldnt take a chance in going to school and getting sick again cause i have solo and ensemble tomorrow, which im kinda nervous about but not really, mostly for my solo cause the accompanist i have cant really follow that well, ah well as soon as its over i'll be happy, so yea my mom and dad both said that i cant go out with my friends until my english grade comes up, so...yea well i need some sleep before solo and ensemble tomorrow, wish me luck, cya~cc
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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well i haven't written in awhile but i have to be brief cause im at the library cause my internet crapped out again, so um ntm is new, work is getting tiresome like im dead outta energy afterwards and that really sucks, i have solo and ensemble this weekend, im a lil nervous cause this year i barely prepared for it, very unlike me, just cause i had so much stuff going on this year, so im gonna practice during lunch at school, and i have my 2nd piano accompanist practice tomorrow, i hope it goes better then the last one, um andrew called me...twice, just outta the blue, oh um my sister had some problems breathing like a week or 2 ago and went to the ER so...but she's better now, um weatherly class has really sucked for me, i hate it with a burning passion, it bores me, i dont get, i dont do the work cause 10 there's too much, 2) even if i do do it, i dont understand what the hell i just did 3)when i do do it he doesnt do anything with it, and 4)im always so freaking busy with all this other crap, god i gotta work on his class really badly. well gtg the clock's about to run out. oh yea winter formal was fun. cya~cc
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Friday, January 7th, 2005
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well tonight was a lot of fun, right after school mel and i went to goodwill to find something for justin for his bday, and i got 2 cool shirts, one was for rowing and i was like AWESOME!!! so then i took mel home and topher and adam came to my house to hang for a bit and then toph left and adam and i talked about stuff mostly of why i dont want, or cant really have a boyfriend right now, and he likes me but i just cant deal with that right now, like i donno, maybe one day just not now. um anyways katie calls me and is like wanna go to golf world? im like ok, so adam and i meet topher, kelly, connie and seth at golf world and katie and david went to the movies before i got there, so the rest of us played golf, went on the go karts and hit a few in the batting cages, it was awesome! and i was like holy crap this is so cool cause wouldnt u know who was there, my new crush mike b. i was like thats it it's fate!! lol, so we waved, and andy and nick showed up later, i waved to andy but that was it. anyway after that i went to joe scimeca's and played DDR for the 1st timne, it was soo much fun, and fransisco was there and a few other people, and i learned that fransisco smokes cigarette's and joe smokes cigars, so not long after fransisco lit up a cigarette i left cause i dont want to hang with that kinda crowd so then jimmy called me and im like, im kinda hungry wanna get some food? sure, so him and i go to haegan dazs and katie and david meet up with us, i get some ice cream, and then seth and adam show up so i could take seth home, and mike from my 1st block hooked me up with 2 free slices of carmella's pizza (cause he works there and they were closed) so thats pretty damn awesome, so i had a fun night and i start work tomorrow at 7:15 so im gonna go so i get some sleep, im so excited, my first day of work. well i gtg g'night everyone cya~cc
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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
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well new years actually turned out to be pretty fun, um i made out with adam and was cuddling with him on new years, but i really dont want a bf and just wanted to kiss someone for new years so, we talked the next day and saw a movie and we're good, but yea...he's an ok kisser like on a scale of 1-10 i'd give him a 5 maybe a 6, gosh i really thought he'd be better then he was, um then at sax quartet jerry said i looked "pretty damn sexy there" and we should hang out sometime and confused im like thanks...uh yea, and tonight at practice we were going back and forth one after the other speaking as if we had practiced it, saying things about each other and he said "your so beautiful" and i said " ur so full of crap" right after that he laughed and was like so ur ugly, and im like eh whatever (shrugging my shoulders) and he's like "u said it not me", he really creeps me out...he has a weird was of flirting...if that is flirting, he also like kicks my thigh when we're sitting and pushes me when we stand, he has small feet, like really small, he's not tall but i noticed his size 7 in women's shoe foot when i met him, BUT ANYWAYS
i got a job, at baha grill, i go for training tomorrow at 5 and then she said she'd like to start me on saturday, im excited, wow my 1st job, im finally gonna be getting mula my own way. i dont think u'll ever meet anyone as half excited about a job like i am right now, i was telling everyone today seriously. so we finished our project...finally, i didnt get a car, i found a few perfect one's i would be happy with, the Ford Escape, Rav 4 (s model) or an Explorer (but they drink gas so this one really is kinda out) um i had a fight with my dad over the car situation and me calling him, and taking care of the house and blah blah blah, and he really hurt my feelings, like we were in TGI Fridays and i had to go to the restroom so i wouldnt cry in public. but yea, me getting a car that i like is now not gonna happen cause whatever i pick out there's a problem with, so...well i gtg night everyone, happy new year, hopefully it will be great. cya~cc
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Friday, December 31st, 2004
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it's new years! i met mel's james and i saw jimmy! we watched fireworks on top of a truck, it was fun, then we had to come to topher's and right now not too much is going on. we finished filming our project today, thank god. so time is gonna edit it and then we're done. it's actually pretty good i want a copy of it. ok it's pretty boring it's just steph, toph, mel and i and mel and i were supposed to go tp scptt retty's house and andrew's (friend of scott not my andrew) so yea....andrew's an ass cause i've tried to hang out with him, i've called him a few times since he's been down and he hasn't hung out with me or even attempted to hang out, god i just wanna be friends he's making it like we can never hang or be cool with each other ever. which really sucks cause i enjoyed his company and talking to him, i really bonded with him, and yea... he's just blowing me off so w/e im not gonna call him anymore, i give up. well hope the new year will be better, cya~cc
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